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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in alix's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, June 26th, 2008
10:22 pm
Friday, August 17th, 2007
2:42 pm
well i havent posted in a long time, so thought i'd give it a go...
not much has been happening in my world. dean and i are going great. rebecca is coming over soon to record an interview thing for a stupid assignment for uni. i am poor. dean gave me 8 giant boxes of roses chocolates so he could fill one box with the strawberry ones which are my fav. so sweet, and a little crazy haha
the old baileys actually has pretty good pub meals
waxing is painful
i need to get a new job, target only gives me 12 hrs no matter what (even in hols) which is clearly not good.
i have a cold (but so does everyone else)
i think i go to the movies too much..

well that was both thrilling and incredible
now i see why i dont write on this thing much anymore...nothing really interesting to say!
i hope to see some of u guys soon....catching up is so hard now we all have different lives etc but yeh, we must try!!

cannot wait until royal show...such a shameful waste of money which i dont even have, but god i want to go
Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
9:38 pm
1. Is that your natural hair color?
What do you mean " is that" ?? can u see me right now :O ahem. it is half my natural hair colour. i have highlights so yeh

2. Where was your default pic taken?
lol this quiz is meant for myspace. on myspace the pic is of me at a party at andys. next to rebecca, who u can hardly see. haha oh rebecca. on LJ it appears i have captain planet

3. What's your middle name?

4. Your current relationship status?
with a boy named.....um...names arent important right?

6. What is your current mood?
alright. getting by :)

7. What color pants are you wearing?
PJ shorts actually. pink stripes

8. What makes you happy?
geez talk about general. i love hugs. hanging out with andy and dean is the bestest. i love staying up all night and talking. i love being cuddled in bed :p (ooooo raunchy). i love food. laughing. movies. sleeping in. doing well. helping someone. making people smile. shopping. ummm i dunno lots of stuff i cannot think of right now

10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be?
ummm...i would have...not felt so imtimidated at school...although i question whether i would have been able to? i dont know. i would have taken less from friends, and given more to friends that deserved it.i dont know, everything happens for a reason so maybe i shouldnt change anything

11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be?
a pampered pooch

12. Ever had a near death expeirence?

13. Something you do a lot?
think too much. get down too easily. talk!! omg rambling is awesome :)

14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
save a life the fray

15. Who did you copy and paste this from?

16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
ross from school? didnt really know him all that well...oh and that jim guy

17. When was the last time you cried?

18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
in front of friends in a silly way yeh. probs when intoxicated.

19. If you could have one super power what would it be?

20. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?
i dunno thats stupid and too general

21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?

22. Whats your biggest secret?
something im soooo gonna tell u all right now. idiots :)

23. What's your favorite color?
puuuurple. dark purple

24. When was the last time you lied?
not sure

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
haha hells yeh

27. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Uh. Nothing...

28. Do you speak any other language?

29. What's your favorite smell?
haha knowing me a food smell...or a nice perfume...but more often than not its too strong

30. If you could describe life in one word what would it be?
Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
6:55 am
grudge 2. scariest movie ever.

sorry, u prob assume i mean the american version. haha no, that sucked. the japanese original is of what i speak. and wow. it was good. stupid americans, keep to the original plot u idiots and it might have been better!!!!
Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
3:09 am
well its raining. and i have to go out in it in a second, as i have to babysit at 11.15. hmmm i will leave at 10 past me thinks.

my family put up the christmas tree without me. yes, i know that to most of u that is no big deal, but every year of my life my whole family does it together. its a big deal to me. when i saw the tree in the window my heart sank..id only been away for a few days...if they had told me they were going to put it up i would have come home 4 it.
i really love christmas, and to me thats really upsetting. lol im a loser i know but to be honest i dont care what people think, its a big family deal and its like a personal insult. i think my mum gets weird when im away from home for like over two days. she wont admit it...but yeeeh

3 mins then i must leave

today i hav to babysit stupid hrs..until 1.15 now, then i have to go back at 4 until like 5.15. like how pointless. split shift babysitting...wtf mate

well i best be off.

Thursday, November 9th, 2006
6:11 am
whats in my head...a bunch of crap and a dancing monkey
this will sound stupid, as im pretty sure all of u reading this have ur licences by now... but im obsessed with driving. i keep having dreams about not driving properly, crashing, killing people, permanently scarring people. i dont have my damn licence yet, i wouldnt drive for months and months through fear, then i'd drive a little, then the months without driving would begin again. am i so scared for a reason? is this some sort of warning to me, that i SHOULD be scared because one day i will be in a horrible accident, or a kid will come out in front of me. sometimes im not good at concentrating. sometimes on roads im unfamiliar with i may not be one hundred perdcent sure of where i should go to turn across a road, or into a road etc etc. im careful, im good with gears, i just doubt...i guess my general road sense? im obsessed. i wany my licence. i really do, but at the same time im always too busy to properly practice driving and when im not, dad is at work and with him is the car i drive. its embarrassing to me now, everyone has their licence, even some crappy drivers. i feel its impossible for me to ever pass, i feel there are so many things u can fail for, that im bound to do one. i feel unless i get one of the 'easy' testers who are nice to me im screwed. its more about them being nice, even if i fail as long as they nice about it im ok. im so shit scared of that place. when i pass the driving licence place my palms get all sweaty and i feel physically sick. argh

exams start monday. neuroscience. havent studied yet, im in one of those impossible to find motivation moods. which is great for exams lol

have to babysit tomorrow morning. then i will get pic signed for proof of age card. as the whole waiting for licence thing...yeh licence, thats totally possible for me to get *cough*
Monday, November 6th, 2006
12:07 pm
fun times at andys
i love the snow patrol song chasing cars.
its so nice, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

*if i lay here, if i just lay here, would u lay with me and just forget the world*

last night was a crazy adventure, andy dean and i wanted food. and videos. and alcohol. all video stores and food stores closed.
the 24hr servo was closed. lights all on, some drunk trying to get in yelling at the ' paki fucker' to let him in. he was scary. so we left, as he started attacking the petrol thingys.
so we ventured to greenwood to see if alcohol stores open. they werent, so we went to tuart hill maccas to get yum yums. only we went in and for some reason the indian guy told us to leave?? coz the doors all closed, and we had to go in quickly after other people left. i was like omg we are cursed. we are cursed to have no food. but we went through drive thru and got us some tasty snacks. then we went to deans house, got his crazy collection of movies and his weird arse raw meat, my reaction to which he found amusing, and "watched" movies. we basically talked till like 6am, real deep and meaningfuls. the boys got drunk, i only had two drinkies as yeh night time and tiredness was enough to make me feel out of it. now im still at andys, dean left a few hrs ago. i wonder of he will come back. prob not, im wearing andys clothes so that could be weird lol. im wearing them coz i only bought one pair of clothes not expecting to stay so long and i dont wanna feel diiiirty.
i am tempted to get drunk. to see what im like drunk. andys parents arent here, hence the drunk movie fest, but i dunno, im so tired i cant be bothered.plus i think it would only make me feel sick
today we walked so damn far in hot weather to get red rooster. i was like duuuuude its hot.
deans a kool guy. he deserves the best, he isnt like shallow at all. its kool

haha jim beam. icky beer that they drank that i tried and nearly threw up after trying. good times, good times indeed
come back dean, lets watch movies while talking again lol

until next time

sorry if i was all over the place, im insanely tired
Sunday, November 5th, 2006
8:32 am
haha i wish to torture u more
1). Is there someone who you like at the moment?

2). Have you ever given or been given roses?
yes, a dozen from andy :)

3). What is your all time favorite romance movie?
the notebook

4). How many times can you honestly say you've been in love?

5). Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
i dont know, maybe not everyone...i really dont know, shut uP!

6). Do you think that you should become friends with someone first?
b4 what?? love?? relationship>?? nah, either could work. personally id like to know someone first though

7). Have you ever had your heart broken?

8). What do you think about long-distance relationships?
very hard to maintain, unless u were in love b4 hand and ur love is strong enough to handle the distance?? and depends how long ur long distance for

9). Your thoughts on online relationships?
lol...um...do they meet??

10). Would you rather date someone five years older or five years younger?
um older, ewww 13/14..my brother...haha

11). Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend?

12). Do you believe the statement, "Once a cheater always a cheater?"
depends...people can change

13). How many kids do you want to have?
2 or 3

14). Do you usually fall for a wrong boy/girl or the right boy/girl?
i dunno, right now im with the right boy :)

15). What is your favorite colour(s)?

16). What are your views on gay marriage?
dont get me started!!!! they should be able to get married, and express their love. any long term committment to another person should be celebrated and recognised

17) Have you ever broken someones heart?
dont think so

18). Imagine you're 79 & your spouse just died, would you re-marry?

19). At what age did you start noticing the opposite sex?
i dont know...late primary school??

20) What song do you want to hear at your wedding?
i cross my heart- george strait and imagine me without u- jackie something
and gaybar when my dad goes up to give a speech (ive got something to put in you, at the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar)
8:24 am
1. Where is your dad right now?
um watching TV i think

2. Last time you went out?
today, to see saw 3...which was jolly good indeed

3. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
im getting more scared

4. What color is your watch?
gold and silver mixed *gasp*

5. Who do you like love?
andy, family, yo mumma

6. Are you close to your mum?

7. Where does your best friend work?
unemployed :P

8. What are you listening to right now?

9. What do you smell like?
yo mumma

10. What color are your pants
im wearing a dress, not pants u fool. its navy

11. Do you have a roommate?

12. What color is your bedroom flooring?
brown..haha sounds rank but its alright

14. What time of day were you born?
around lunchtime. i was hungry

15. Do you know anyone who is engaged?
yes, gita. and jess from work

16. What's your favorite number?

17. Do you know someone named Lori?
um no, this is a gay arse quiz
18. What color is your mum's hair?
ummm reddy blondey browny...its an odd colour

19, Do you have a dog?
yes, two. elvis and otto

20. Do you remember singing any songs as kids?
um i still sing...this quiz is so stupid i want to go all saw 3 on its arse

21. When was the last time you went swimming?
ages ago
22. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?

23. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
yes, yr 7 camp (shudders) then band camp haha

24. Do you play an instrument?
clarinet, sax...

25. Do you like fire?
um what

26. Are you allergic to anything?

27. When was the last time you cried?

28. What kind of shampoo do you use?
garnier fructus now

29. Have you ever been to a spa?

30. Did you take science all five years of high school?
yeh i guesss...sciencey subjects

31. Do you like butterflies?
only when dead

32. Do you like Coke or Pepsi more?
coke hands down baby

33. What is one thing you miss about your past?
some friendships, being a crazy kid, my pretty erina street garden (it had a secret part!!!)

34. Did you ever see the school nurse?
yeh, to lie about being sick so i could go home lol

35. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
actually yeh kinda for a lil while

36. What is one thing you've learned about life?
it can suck, and it can rock...just try live each day as it comes and accept urself

37. Are you jealous of anyone?

38. Is anyone jealous of you?
your dad..coz i have yo mumma
39. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
haha remember cripple lauren?? hahah ahhh we werent even stuck, but yet we stayed.that was so funny

40. What does your dad call you?
alix, sweetheart if he in a good mood....sometimes pig when he says 'that'll do pig, that'll do'

41. What does your mum call you?
alix, princess, darling, sexbot

42. What does you hair look like right now?
its out and in a headband

43. Has a friend ever used you?

44. Has anyone recently told you that they like you as more than a friend?

45. What have you eaten today?
toast, chips, popcorn, a few chicos

46. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
more straight, with a few kinks

47. Ever been called white trash?

48. Who was the last person you drove with?

49. What are you lookin forward to?
end of exams woo

50. What is your favorite color?

omg how boring, im sorry guys!!!!
7:42 am
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

No cheating! (This is really funny lol and often quite true)

What does next year have in store for me?
punchdrunk lovesick singalong (radiohead)

What's my love life like?
honey (moby)

What do i say when life gets hard?
break your heart (casonovas)

What do i think when i get up in the morning?
freak (silverchair)...uhuh??

What song will i dance to at my wedding?
beds are burning (midnight oil)

What do you want as a career?
high on a mountain (the badloves) haha mountain...what i wanna be a sherpa now

Your favourite saying?
one angry dwarf and 200 solemn faces (ben folds)

Your pets name?
cornflake girl (tori amos) hahahahaha

Favourite place?
i wanna hide (the badloves)

Describe your sexlife:
carry on dancing (savage garden)

What do you think of your parents?
the dress looks nice on you (sufjan stevens) hahah yeh dad

What's your Pornstar name?
wonderwall- oasis

Where would you go on a first date?
bridge over troubled water- arethra franklin

Drug of choice?
wings for marie (part 1) (tool)

Describe yourself:
only happy when it rains- garbage

What is the thing i like doing most?
ghost of you- (chemical romance) hahah im gonna do ur ghost

What song best describes my school principle?
i cant help it- michael jackson

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
bleed like me- garbage

How will i die?
laura- scissor sisters

well that was a productive use of my time :)
Monday, October 30th, 2006
2:00 am
random is fun
so im sitting here im my black office chair, my feet on my bed....contemplating the damn anatomy test on thursday....and just not being able to summon the motivation....its all memorisation, of soooo many muscles in the human body and their insertions, attachments and innervations...i think im gonna cry....i cant learn so much words that are all so long....i dont dare count how many i must learn, but i know its over like 500....my anatomy unit alone is more work that the whole human bio course (per semester)...thats scary....and thats also boring to all u guys so i will stop at once

i cant wait 4 the hols. i wish i was going on a holiday tho...coz when at home i will still have some responsibilities...such as work at target and do lame household chores. but oh well, still beats uni. i could always crash at andy's sometimes...but i feel kinda awakward there..his parents are nice, just always..there and u have to try make conversation...and to go to the toilet u have to pass the living room...haha i make nooo sense, but meh.
stupid japanese fighting fish dying after 2 days......i looked after them so well, what went wrong? RIP dim sim and yang

in hols we all have to have super crazy fun...im sure there will STILL be times i cannot come, due to still having some responsibilities (ahhhh to be a kid again) and such, but i really wanna do something so crazy, so insane, that it would be like a picnic without a darn blanket!!! whooooooa

teachin mrs tingle is a stupid movie

i want to watch napoleon dynamite again..when i first watched it i was like ummmmm...*waits for it to get as good as EVERYONE was saying*. im sorry, i just didnt see the mass appeal...its sooo popular, everyone loves it....maybe if it was trying to be arty and different and no one liked it i would understand...but its so mainstream and everyone loves it, has those vote for pedro shirts....WHHHHY. so im watching it again, to see if i fall in love...or yet again sit there waiting for a punch line

there is a man shirt in target i want, but in the new spirit of not wasting my hard earned money prob wont buy

with christmas coming up...im not sure if buying presents for friends should be happening?? just bringing it up now, so i know what to do....i thought maybe we should all have a christmas party b4 christmas??? make it tacky abd christmasy, and all bring food, and stay out/up all night...and before hand organise a secret santa? that way we all gets gifts but we all dont have the agonising......"should i get them a present...if i get them one, i have to get them one."..etc etc....have liked a money limit on it as well, like 20 bucks...and yeh, make it like a kiddie party with pass the parcel yay!!! and party pies and fairy bread yum. lol i know its lame, we dont have to, just an idea

anyway i must be off, study awaits....or lack there of...i must try tho

Friday, October 27th, 2006
1:50 pm
so i think im going to mardi gras...only i have no idea how im supposed to meet up with u guys (feels rejected). i guess hope to see u there....

in other news, last week of uni next week...then exams...then freedom *dances*

i brought season 1 greys anatomy on DVD and all aussie adventures. I brought a new dress ready 4 deans 18th. I'm eating too much junk food. I found out that the world health organisation says that by 2020 the second biggest reason for people missing days of work will be depression (haha cant help but think maybe people just wanna break???). target work people are awesome to party with- i loved chris's party and felt comfortable and had heaps of fun. i have to learn way too much for exams. andy is awesome. i want to pass my damn L phase 2 so bad. I want more money, but dont wanna work more (dont we all). 2006 has been a crazy year...emotional...kinda figuring out what i want from life and such....seeing things fall apart, and other things get so much better.

LJ....my link to ocean reefian people.

the end
Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
8:41 pm
i realise that none of u guys really read my livejournal anymore...and that im not really in ur lives and such ( :( ) but i will write anyway


andy and i wanna start a band...i can write songs easy...well i write the lyrics, hum a tune thing, and then andy can figure out guitar bit...
and the funniest thing? im gonna be the singer...yes i always sing in front of ppl..badly...those of u who used to hang out with me would know i would randomly sing...badly....but i can actually sing...within a range, if its the right song i can sing well...by no means would i claim to be a good singer..the few people that have heard me properly sing (my parents and andy) say i am but....they hear me sing the songs i can sing well coz they in my range and...they my PARENTS and my BOYFRIEND..they have to love me :) even tho my dad would prob tell me straight out if i sucked lol. yes im rambling but i dont care, this will be fun. we can record songs and make flim clips and just muck around with it. to begin with we will just write a bunch of songs and get comfortable with them, then andy's friend cam could play bass...just need a damn drummer!! minor problem..!
may just be another plan i have and dont do but im kinda excited...i used to love making laural movies with lauren..and i love music...if we get to the filmclip making stage, anyone wanna help out with acting parts or helping film or something??? i know u guys will prob spend the hols wasted and at nightclubs hehe, and will prob hate our music (rockish/alternativeish/yo mummaish) but if u bored... :)

get my license!!! i have a test soon, although i know i will fail as i hardly EVER drive..but im doing it so im forced to drive, and so i get the experience of having done the test...my plan is i will do it, fail, then hopefully get it next time :) then i will have my well deserved ID..which brings me onto my next hol plan...

experience a nightclub...i kinda know it wont be my thing, but i have to just so i can say i have. i do wanna go to connections with ryan at least once, then to wherever u guys say is best...to be honest, i reckon i would like pubs more (yeh im a loser, but shut up!!)...like a pub with a good live band, sitting around with friends drinking and eating and laughing...and dancing optional... but thats just lil ol me

catch up BIG time with people...people i neglect oh so badly due to uni...so pretty much all u guys...i wanna join in some of ur crazy fun adventures

celebrate one yr anniversary with andy..omg a yr...so much changes in a damn yr....some things have chnaged that im sad about...some have changed for the better...

welcome the new year in style..and by style i mean in crazy fun yayness good times yeh!!!

work more, but not too much more (need to fit in fun stuff)..save a lil bit (will be hard while doing fun stuff that usually involves money)

Have a kik arse christmas

take lots of pics with my new camera i will get 4 christmas

walk the dogs more

drink more water

can't wait until exams over!!!

Current Mood: excited
Sunday, October 15th, 2006
10:27 pm
im going to a fancy dress party on sat :) i think lol (!)
i dont know what to go as though, i was thinking maybe i could just hire something...but that could be costly...and i dont have much moolah.
any ideas people???
good ol fancy dress

when i was in QLD we went to steve irwins australia zoo. it was an awesome zoo, people were literally walking around with animals..like a cheetah!! it was a sad atmosphere though...we were in the stadium where they held steve's ceremony...and the guy that sang that song 4 him sang it live!! and they showed the ceremony on a big screen...
all these flowers were out the front of the zoo...did i already tell u ppl this?? oh well, hear it again.

i found out why i was so tired..have no iron at all in my body...dr was kinda shocked...also something up with kidney urea levels...they like im starving, even tho im not...lol dr kinda was like..um do u eat. im like hell yes..!!
so on iron tablets.....but my body seems to reject iron so if levels dont go up something might be seriously wrong. but meh, i feel a bi better since iron tablets so its all good

yesterday my parents came home. today we picked up the dogs, and then izzy, andy and i walked them to burns beach cafe. we got chips and iced chocolates..well i got izzy a fanta coz she cant have milk stuff

lol yeh im boring but i dont care. :)
Friday, October 6th, 2006
11:48 pm
i'm in QLD!!!!! mwahahaha

i vote movie world kicks arse

went on the superman rollar coaster..omg u go up almost vertical and come down...almost vertical...feel like ya gonna fall off. it gets up to 100 k's in 2 secs...!!

anyway i bought many soft toys
as i love soft toys
i also went to dreamworld with my aunt
who was fun to laugh at
when we told her the ride was a peaceful one
and it turned out to go down a steep slope into water
she screamed so damn loud
haha old people (she nearly 50)

movie world was 60 bucks to get into...(for me)..so cheaper than the show really, seeing as u can ride all u want..plus the rides are waaaaaaay better

so everyone, go to movieworld....save up a lotta money and go there (!)

damn u money!!! u stop all my fun

i didnt send any postcards...as i cant be bothered and i..cant be bothered

this can be my virtual postcard lol

i had a dream i went to a party last night..shane kennedy was there and i was all yay i havent seen u in ages..and nat, shane and i were all talking for ages..haha thought id share

oh yeh QLD is a crazy awesome fun place to visit for a sexy holiday..(if by sexy i mean going on crazy fun rides and seeing loveable characters all over the place such as bugs bunny and marilyn munroe)

i heart movieworld

catch ya later :)
Friday, September 29th, 2006
4:00 pm
please don't tell me everything is wonderful now
Sunday, September 24th, 2006
8:47 am
Nerina Pallot everybody's gone to war

I've got a friend, he's a pure-bred killing machine,
He said he's waited his whole damn life for this,
I knew him well when he was seventeen,
Now he's a man who'll be dead by Christmas.

And, so...
Everybody's going to war,
But we don't know what we're fighting for,
Don't tell me it's a worthy cause,
No cause could be so worthy.

If love is a drug, I guess we're all sober,
If hope is a song I guess it's all over,
How to have faith, when faith is a crime?
I don't want to die...
If God's on our side, then God is a joker,
Asleep on the job, his children fall over,
Running out through the door and straight to the sky,
I don't want to die...

For every man who wants to rule the world,
There'll be a man who just wants to be free,
What do we learn but what should not be learnt?
Too late to find a cure for this disease.

Everybody's going to war,
But we don't know what we're fighting for,
Don't tell me it's a worthy cause,
No cause could be so worthy.

If love is a drug, I guess we're all sober,
If hope is a song, I guess it's all over,
How to have faith, when faith is a crime?
I don't want to die...
If God's on our side, then God is a joker,
Asleep on the job, his children fall over,
Running out through the door, and straight to the sky,
I don't want to die...
don't want to die,
I-I don't want to die...

Everybody's going to war,
But we don't know what we're fighting for,
Don't tell me it's a worthy cause,
No cause could be so worthy.

If love is a drug, I guess we're all sober,
If hope is a song, I guess it's all over,
How to have faith, when faith is a crime?
I don't want to die...
If God's on our side, then God is a joker,
Asleep on the job, his children fall over,
Running out through the door, and straight to the sky,
I don't want to die...
don't want to die,
I-I don't want to die...

I've got a friend, he's a pure-bred killing machine,
I think he might be dead by Christmas...

good song. mainly for its antiwar message. what has the world come to? why haven't we learnt from history. what the hell are we doing...but even more scary, what is america doing? the american people let fear control them. i guess i cannot judge them for that, when we in aussie land arent exposed to half the fear that they are.
didnt they ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, bombing the hell outta a place is hardly a war on terrorism...it just gives the terrorists more reason to hate america. and looking at the past between the countries...u can hardly blame them.
terrorists and george bush...spot the difference?
Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
11:07 am
i feel like i annoy u now...sometimes it all good, then i feel u dont want me there and that everything i say pisses u off...then its like i had imagined it all and we're a-ok.
maybe its after something was said..
my opinion of u has changed. i feel u have changed. A lot. but i still see the old u.

hahahahahhaa oh how fun that was...everyone else gets a cryptic comment that i dont get so i want in!!!!!!
ps- i will never reveal what that meant so..HA!
Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
10:50 am
i feel left out. most of u guys are people i would love to hang out with more, and experience these crazy adventures...not soooo much nightclubbing, i feel bored of that before ive even done it...which is probably weird but i dont really see the appeal.. but meh, moving on..i feel like now i dont really mean anything to people from school anymore, because i cant give them as much time as i probably should and when i do have spare time which isnt full on homework until 3am or work or actually going to uni or driving i just crash and lay there on my bed for hours feeling overwhelmed with everything and not wanting to go out.

i wish i had chosen a uni course that wasnt in the top four for work load (not work diificulty, but work load). but i do love the course..as in, where i see the course taking me job wise...meh, im boring u...

im in a feeling sorry for myself mood and im sorry, i would say overall im happy and anytime im not i feel mega guilty coz i know i have a lot.
you cant have ur cake and eat it too
but why not, u have a stupid cake whats it for then? sitting on? GAH

i get very emotional when it comes to the whole friend thing. coz there is no solution. its not as easy as bitching on here that i feel left out and everything and that i miss certain people...coz when am i supposed to hang out with them? and can i muster the engery to? i feel tired all the time and im stressed and i just...feel very left out...
ryan, i thank u for always trying to see what im doing that day and trying to hang out with me...even though i always end up feeling guilty for saying i have uni/work or whateva...it makes me feel that u still care, but i know eventually u will give up coz im saying no so many times and i do understand.
sorry people. i guess im being a 'happy hog' ....life is good, i just want everything and u cant have everything..
just watch shows like sex in the city or some other sappy friend kinda show and wish i had a group of friends like that...maybe if i give up sleeping i can give more time and people will call me a good friend :(

ps- read michael moores dude where's my country. its a good read
Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
10:39 am
what do people need from you to call you a good friend i wonder? do u think it varies from person to person..some people need every waking hour of your day, they need you to call them every day and when you dont they decide thats not enough. i used to have very different friendships with people...but for various reasons i cannot have those friendships anymore. and the friends i still have are changing, im changing, and i feel like im always so busy, and i want it all to stop. i do love my life, i have a good life and i know it. despite what people may think i have a gorgeous boyfriend who would do anything for me, and he has helped me through so much. my fam is awesome, i know they will always look out for me and i never have to worry about money to the extent i know some people do and for that im grateful. i get sick sometimes, but i have good health, i dont have cancer or anything lol. i have a good job, work with great people and my managers are generally fair. and my uni course, although time consuming (to the max) is interesting and my uni buddies and i make up the awesome foursome (go chloe, rebecca and natasha)....what do i get sad about? well as much as i hated high school i must say, i miss the friend side of it. some people at school made me feel bad, but i had friends who i luved and in return i felt luved back. i know where i stand in my friendships now all too well. some of my old friends i used to be very close to, but they have changed and as much as i wish we had that old friendship back i know it simply can never be the same. some friends i drifted apart from while at school, but now prob have slightly more to do with them. to be honest, i dont know what i expect or want from a friend. i guess someone that recognises how busy i am, but still considers themselves close to me and who will tell me everything and i can tell them eveything and we plan lil trips away together and....ok im a loser, i admit it. its just become aparent to me lately that my main friends at the moment (excluding uni and work people) either dont value my friendship above anyone elses (which means i guess i want a bestie lol), pretty much dont really value my friendship at all just want to claim they have another friend, dont think that i care all that much about them or they feel they cant be close to me coz im always busy or i dont go to nightclubs or whatever. to anyone reading who considers themselves my friend, im sorry if your offended in any way, im not saying i dont value you guys...im just saying ive always wanted that whole best friend thing...when you know you are someones bestest buddy...and its obvious from various comments or whatever that i dont have that. i have been called someones best friend by two people in my time...and both of them i no longer see...and only one of them was truely a best friend.
omg what am i on...seriously?!? i have good friends in about...2 people? 3 at a stretch? and if ur reading this...which only one of those 2/3 people prob will...u know i luv ya, you know your awesome, and hopefully u get what im saying and dont take it the wrong way. if u wanna clear up where i stand with you, anyone reading it really, ask and i will simply change the subject awkwardly as i really hate you...(nah, ask away, i will try explain if u dont get it idiots) im not gonna write names and follow with a comment about how i personally see you yeh...
sorry for being a crazy mofo...i guess the whole point of this has been that i get attached to things, and even tho life is a lot better now than when i was at school, i miss certain elements of that...nostalgia cake anyone?
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